mama, power up!

A friend of mine of who just gave birth has recently just returned to work and started confiding in me in the most awkward moment, I was rushing to try and catch the last train when she sort of burst into tears. To give you some background on this woman before becoming pregnant, she had an awe striking street confidence with a creative independent soul always seem to be smiling whenever i saw her and it just felt that nothing could get to her, seeing her yesterday when she burst into tears it felt wrong to see her like that, something had been ripped from her.

As she burst into tears and I really wanted to stay and be a friend but had to kind of rush the conversation or i’ll be crying for missing my train; she is apparently now a single mum which nobody else was suppose to know. Well now you know, now that you know her anyway. The bastard left her…I have officially the right to call him one, solely for being a coward and not stepping to his responsibilities. I mean ok hey it’s hard, you’re a young thriving piece of meat, you want to get it on-but hey! You should’ve thought about before getting her pregnant. You ripped her soul and ate it, now she’s looking for it and she can’t find it, making her feel lost and helpless.

Nobody knows how hard it is on mothers; how we’re suppose to have it altogether after giving birth.

-To control these imbalanced hormones

-To still be the social butterfly you were before getting knocked up

-To simply slim to our pre-pregnancy days in a flash (like those celebrities with all their money, resources and nannies)

-To take care of not only yourself, but your partner, the home, the child and if you’re working, no excuses you can’t be excelling in that too.

-So what if you’re tired, you should be cooking some delicious home cooked meals woman!!!

It seems like that is the only way you’re able to gain some social dignity if you’re doing all these things or more, people dismiss the fact that being a mother or a single one for that matter is like walking with one leg and you’re still supposed to be exactly the same before giving pregnancy. It’s literally a one wo(man) band sometimes. I am thankful my husband is still with me and if there comes a time he may need to leave me, because he’s finally realized that he looks better paired with someone 30years his junior I am ready. I’ve always been ready. Not that I want it to happen, but like Montaigne claims “The only thing certain is nothing is certain”. We women, mothers especially make the mistake of being too reliant on our partners that when they do suddenly leave we feel like we have no legs at all to walk with, instead of at least one. Partly it is the mans doing, most of it is our fault- we have allowed ourselves to be lost in the situation when we should have taken part in controlling the vehicle. I think seeing my parents divorced at the age of 3 on and off relationship, helped me to settle with that idea much quicker than others.

Though I have not obtained any personal experiences of being a single mother yet, I can only imagine how soul wrenching it is. Ideally you’d want your partner to share every moment with you, all the pains and the joys-Ideally but this is reality, things do seem to smack you in the face along the journey of life. I truly hope she recovers from her grief and will push her to become stronger willed and love life if not for her, for her daughter.

Back to Basics: Film Cameras

Whilst everyone who can afford it has already converted to digital Abel and I are looking at the opposite direction for inspiration. He has just purchased a couple of cameras; Yashica T4 weatherproof and Canon Underwater Sureshot A1 both on film. Reading from the reviews and seeing examples of pictures, they are scandalously unique and bring texture to the photos that digital cannot achieved unless post edited.

The Yashica T4 Weatherproof

I believe Abel bought this solely for his use, I must admit out of us two he is more of a fanatic. Nevertheless I am excited for it to arrive anytime soon. This is what it generally looks like, you will really learn that NEVER EVER JUDGE A BOOK BY IT’S COVER. Looking at what seems to be the typical point and shoot family camera in 1990’s it just seems impossible to give the results it does. Being sold at approximately $200-$300AUS it has been targeted for the photography entry level but has been claimed to be some of the worlds renowned photographs trade secret. Someone has a big mouth don’t they?!

It is not hard to love the yashica t4 despite it’s less than standard look. Despite it being cheap the yashica humbly boasts sharp crisp images using a zeiss t 35mm f/3.5 tessar lens. The dx film speed is fast and accurate combined with the very handy super scope viewfinder (where you can simply look down at your camera to take your images, great for low angle shooting)

However like all things-good things it comes with a big fat but, the disadvantage of this point and shoot however is it has an automatic flash which has to be turned off manually (yet to figure that out when it arrives) so you may have to fiddle around with it before taking some night shots, it has also been mentioned that this particular camera is no longer in production and can only be obtained through the 2nd hand markets.

Canon Underwater Sureshot A1

Now this camera is a bit of an attention seeker with it’s striking colours and what seems to be an array of optical enhancements. Abel came across this by accident and thought this would be handy for our trip. It has been described to be lightest and smallest underwater camera of course this was back in 1994. Unlike the Yashica this one was fairly cheap only purchasing it for $46AUS from Ebay. It has the standard camera options like macro and flash, it also has the a 3point smart auto focus for distant shooting and can be taken 3metres underneath the water using a lens 32mm, f/3.5. Upon reviews It has been commended for its versatility, specially through any rough outdoor activities and amazing image quality. This ought to be good.

rain rain come my way

finally after wasting half of my day tweaking this blog i think i have come to terms of being partially satisfied as i don’t think i can do anything else to it, limited by my lack of skill. it’s got a cleaner feel to i think…and i could not think of any clever headers which seemed either moronic or bore galore…school will officially start tomorrow as a visual communicator one may wonder how it will package itself to a group of supposedly art inclined strangers…not that it’s important, it’ll be just a part of my job?

it’s been raining non stop for a week now, i kind of like it.

doppelganger frenzy

in spirit of the popular facebook doppelganger here is my look a likes according to heritage (you can do yours too by simply uploading a photo), to tell you the truth nobody has ever mentioned i looked like any of these people. i have however been mentioned to look like the following, at least a couple of times to which i think is worthy of a mention. this is what when one combines vanity and boredom on a saturday night.

my pricey orthodontist trip

Warning: This post has some grotesque oral pictures, beware if you’re sensitive to raw bodily images.

Four weeks ago i went to the dentist to ask how i can obtain braces, again?

Apparently going to the dentist was pointless as it cost me $55.00 and was referred to an actual orthodontist. My ignorance and previous experience has served me wrong, when I had braces before the dentist too had organized my braces for me.

Anyway, I contacted the referral straight away only to find out I had to wait four weeks to get my consultation. Fine. I went to my appointment which cost me initially $150.00 and an additional parking fee. I’m a tight ass alright, every single cent counts. As I arrived, I wasn’t sure if it was the right place as I had expected a white clean building, with blinds seen through the windows instead I arrived at an old brick home which had the simple word Orthodontist outside its front exterior.

I entered the old house only to be taken aback with the bright, child friendly interior making me feel like a kid again. The lady at the entrance took a couple of minutes to say hello and was somewhat cold, she then warmed up and said hello standing up then showing me how to log in for my next appointment on what seems to be a computer from the 80s. As I had arrived five minutes earlier than the scheduled appointment I picked up a magazine but was then instantly taken into the orthodontists “consulting area” with another lady. The room was lime green with blue furnitures and dentist chair, matched with stuff toys that had perfect human teeth. Calming or Freaky? The lady briefed me and then the orthodontist entered and examined my teeth.

I was to learn eventually what I had expected was indeed correct, my teeth were crowding therefore moving my top set forward looking like a horse. They took pictures of me as if I was a study. Front view, smiling and a side view, I even joked about it being a mug shot…The lady taking the pictures was distant and simply replied, yeh. They then took macro pictures of my teeth, left view, right view, front view, top and bottom view. It was then eventually explained I needed four teeth pulled out so my wisdom tooth could come out properly and move the following teeth forward to replace the teeth that were pulled out. Sounds pricey because I had to get these done by the dentist, who would probably charge me at least $300 for each one?

These are the actual pictures they took and the teeth marked
with an x would be the ones pulled out.

They then proposed If I would like I could get my molds organized for the braces today for $200.00 as to save me time. I instantly said yes thinking it would take another four weeks for the next appointment. While that was getting organized a booklet was given to me giving me the breakdown it also had a page of my pictures at the front (this is why it probably cost $150.00) I learnt the total orthodontist care would amount to $7500 in total of the 20 months. Ouch, I was smiling but thinking underneath how am I going to go around paying for this. They explained a monthly payment of $300 could be made but still that was a bit too much, specially that abel and i are trying to save up for a trip.

After organizing my payment of $350.00 I left the place kind of down, thinking the possibility that we will be dirt poor this year and I may have to work double the shifts whilst attending school. I talked to Abel and he concluded we may need to postpone our other plans for this year which made me feel guilty and hopeless. Abel then suggested why don’t I ask my sister how much her orthodontist cost- why did I not think of this earlier? This is my ultimate dumbass moment.

I just spoke to her and she just told me the total price of her braces would be $3,500, but in three consecutive payments no monthly installments. That’s half compared to this orthodontist. Initial consultation is just $35 and with the molds it’s $95. I got ripped off big time!!! I just even called them my consultation has been scheduled this friday, this friday!!! How quick was that?! Now Abel cannot stop reminding me the alternative things I could have spent the extra $250. I am the biggest douche.

My husband also pointed out that my teeth aren’t at all bad, it’s just the front parts which you notice obvious crowding so really it shouldn’t cost that much. As I said before, I am the biggest douche. Good thing he’s around to put things in perspective. Now I don’t feel so bad except him reminding me every 10 minutes about the $250 wasted. I’m going to get the best of both worlds!!! Braces and hopefully the trip. I hope everything pulls through…

be interested, to be interesting

I knew this a long time ago-that I do shut people off. It’s just the whole complication of establishing relationships and actually becoming good friends? Before settling down, I was a social butterfly, I was those annoying people that tries to be friends with everybody, yeah even with the goths. What can I say I’m lovable? (puke puke) but at the moment I do not have the extra energy as I used to compared to my enthusiastic 18 year old self thinking, the world is my oyster (i’ve never understood this analogy- are we trying to look for a pearl here?). In short, I’ve always been a social person but since having a family i have chosen the life of a hermit.

A few days ago as I looked through photos of some aquaintances laughing at what seems to be something really funny, a thought came over me. You need friends. Having friends has always been a vital thing in my life. Believe it or not, these relationships I have established in my life has been a major influence in who I am at the moment. Why am I stating the obvious again?! So I quickly told myself, hey stop being such an anti-social and open up to a little socializing.

Yesterday which is probably coincidental, I had the three of the longest conversations I have ever had with a couple of co-workers. I’m pretty sure they were both at least an hour. It was probably weird for them that we were talking for so long whilst being sober.

They did not show symptoms of boredom and were actually responsive. I mean these conversations were not planned, one was while I was reading during our break; this person could have easily left…but we just started to talk about politics. How refreshing!!! I think this person enjoyed the conversation so much he even proposed a business back home. Very interesting proposal by the way. The other person was someone I was just walking to change room with, we stood in the corridor for at least an hour with the same people passing us and giving us weird looks as if saying, you’re still here while I’ve walked up and down these corridors thrice already? We talked about similar sentiments about being aged students and the conditions of our work place. How good is it to share? The last one I don’t think that person had a choice, because we took the same train home together. But nevertheless the passion of our conversation about our homeland and his insights made me swell inside. I also got a kind invite to a new aquaintances house and he offered to cook for me while we talk about our diet well mine specifically and school. It’s nice to be considered. And I actually might take it up…

I read somewhere (don’t ask me where?) be interested, to be interesing.

It’s true. You ask people how they are and if they see the sincerity of the question, they will actually open up not only the front door, but the back door and windows too. As we grow older I find it that less and less people have the patience to simply listen, we are too occupied in doing our next task we just forget to simply care. I admit I have been this person for the last four years, but I told myself if you want friends, real friends you need to change your attitude and stop shutting people off, like they’re mormons trying to convert you.

wake up, time for school!

two weeks till i start school. i’m scared. i want to enjoy it as well as be great at it. i hope my classmates will be inspirational. i want to be inspirational. i am excited. don’t let me loose focus, i have such a short attention span.

Musician: K’naan

K’naan, like a gust of wind on a hot summer day. Refreshing, inspiring and addictive. K’naan is a canadian musician who was born in Somalia which he currently draws all his poetic lyrics from. Accidentally coming across this new talent I started to download a couple of his songs and instantly found myself downloading all his songs. His music is mostly governed by hip-hop elements combined with bohemian beats and a bi-polar voice, sometimes sounding like eminem (listen to the dusty foot philosopher) to wyclef jean (listen to in the beginning). But it’s the epitome and enthusiasm of the lyrics that grabs your attention to which he transcends his misfortune as strength of character. These are some extracts from some of his songs.

1. In the beginning

Put up your fists if all you want is freedom
Put up your fists if all you want is…

That was in the beginning…
then things changed..
Yeah!

And we keep holdin’on,
And we keep bein’strong…
And we keep goin’ on
And on and on and on…

2. take a minute

And any man who knows a thing knows, he knows not a damn, damn thing at all,
And everytime I felt the hurt and I felt the givin’ gettin’ me up off the wall,
I’m just gonna take a minute and let it ride,
I’m just gonna take a minute and let it breeze,
I’m just gonna take a minute and let it ride,
I’m just gonna take a minute and let it breeze.

3. smile

Smile When your struggilin
Smile when Your in jail
Smile When your dead broke
Smile And the rents due
Smile You ain’t got friends now
Smile And no one knows you
Never let them see you down smile while you bleeding
Smile When he leaves you
Smile Cause girl he needs you
Smile Plenty single mothers cry the tears you do
Smile Dispite the war
Smile despite the pain yo
Never let them see you down smile while you bleeding

He exudes the aura of a modern Bob Marley, blessed with a conscience and tongue like Lauryn Hill. His songs are a creative advocation about the reality of his homeland in war, despite using rap heavily in his compositions he avoids rap cliches altogether, saying that

“All Somalis know that gangsterism isn’t to brag about. The kids that I was growing up with [in Rexdale] would wear baggy [track] suit pants, and a little jacket from Zellers or something, and they’d walk into school, and all the cool kids would be like, ‘Ah, man, look at these Somalis. Yo, you’re a punk!’ And the other kid won’t say nothing, but that kid, probably, has killed fifteen people.”

It is exhilarating to find a rising talent that inhibits purpose and depth, as one of my professors once said “Art is food for the soul” so this is one creation I am filling my soul completely with. I am officially a fan.

“Flattery is food for fools”

I’ve never been comfortable with compliments. I actually hate them, they sound condescending, manipulative and depending on the person at times, insincere. I know what I look like most of the time, I know what my capabilities are and believe it or not I don’t need you to reaffirm what kind of existence I am living. Despite the fact I dislike receiving compliments, I find it interesting how people react to words of sweet appreciated value- don’t get me wrong, you won’t hear anything from me unless you’ve blown me away but it’s human nature- we all long to be constantly accepted and appreciated, that’s how most of our parents raised us to be- “special’.  Renaming birth names to sweet endearments; my princess, my little man, etc etc etc. So we grow up trying to search for the same attention.

I remember back in high school when i used to get affirmation from fellow classmates, i used to merely reply that i didn’t have any money to pay them cause that’s what i felt- that i owed them something for simply praising something i’ve done when they’ve not received the same adoration, and i felt bad that most of the time i wanted to hide. Nowadays i simply thank the person and avoid offending them for trying to be nice or make similar jokes to not having any money. I just generally think it’s embarrassing to get that kind of attention, but some people yearn for it all their lives. I guess I’m just not one of those people most of the time, on my crappy days a compliment or two would definitely not hurt.

'Tis an old maxim in the schools,
That flattery's the food of fools;
Yet now and then your men of wit
Will condescend to take a bit.

Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)

Karma

I know this has been over said but how ironic is life?!

You throw out a smile, the world will smile back at you.

Trample on others and the world will make sure someone tramples all over you.

What really goes around comes around.

I’ve always believed you treat people how you’d want to be treated.